Alan Duncan’s slayer writes to Cameron

By Alex Smith / @alexsmith1982

Heydon Prowse, the man responsible for the video which ended Alan Duncan’s career on the opposition frontbenches and who made the film exposing Conservative Future, has written a brilliantly cutting open letter to David Cameron, below.

Prowse runs the culture website Don’t Panic, and has gained notoriety as a troublemaker amongst Tories. He also apparently asked Young Labour if he could make a mockumentary about them too – but was turned down when members realised who he was.

Dear David,

Well done for demoting Alan. As head of the Tory PR machine – sorry I mean party – you have demonstrated real leadership. Because you can’t just have MPs going around speaking their real minds all the time, can you Dave, or the Tories would never get elected.

Of course Alan was not the person to lead expenses reform in the Tory party, but you knew his views. Much more importantly, the man lacks the basic credential needed to be a member of your inner circle – sufficient guile to successfully deceive people. Perhaps his PR people should go too. After all, it was their idea to say to the press that Alan would like to have a drink with me to show that he really was a jolly good sport after he had initially threatened to set the police on us for the free gardening we gave him. Backfired that one eh?

Much better to have experienced lobbyists and public relations executives ‘representing’ the people, like George Eustice, your former press secretary who’ll be standing in Camborne and Redruth in Cornwall at the next election, or Priti Patel, director of PR firm Weber Shandwick, which represents hedge funds and investment banks, who is standing in the constituency of Witham. Eh wot?!

Thank god you didn’t fire Alan ages ago when it emerged that while shadow business secretary with responsibility for energy policy, his private office was funded by the decidedly dodgy oil company Vitol, or people might have thought you were actually serious about reform. I for one feel completely reassured of your inclination to represent the interests of a tiny financial elite, rather than the hard working people of Britain.

Yes – with tycoons and financiers flocking to you with their totally expectation free donations and your shadow ministers hobnobbing around the Med on the yachts of Russian oligarchs, you’re fast becoming Blair mark II, which is exactly what the country needs. Here’s hoping you win the next election so that you can disappoint us all as profoundly as he did. Hurrah!

Hope you feel rested enough after your three month summer holiday for your return to parliament in October. Understandably

All the best going forward,

Heydon Prowse