The New Labour illuminati?

By Hopi Sen / @hopisen

Progress Eh? The neo-Blairite shock troops of the Milburninte Avant garde, or some such.

I’m not kidding. At least, I don’t think so. Left Futures, recently called Progress the “Blairite party within a party”. Apparently “It is only someone who is regarded as politically reliable, truly “one of us”, who is introduced to the covert layers of operation, and only as necessary, though many more are aware of the kid of activities that Progress is engaged in than are themselves involved – the way any secret organisation sustains and protects itself.” Coo. It’s the new Labour illuminati.

On getting my invite to what Left Futures calls “the sumptuous surroundings of a Jacobean-style Victorian country mansion in the beautiful Lincolnshire countryside”. I feel like I have made the grade. First stop Stoke Rochford, next stop the Bilderderg group.

This pleasant feeling of dark arts, of secret doings and blairite conspiracies is ruined by three things.

First, it turns out that the sumptuous country mansion is owned by those well known capitalist conspirators the National Union of Teachers.

Second, the “progress political weekend” (as this particular branch of the Lizard One World government society is disguising itself), attendees are the sort of people you find at any Labour Party event. Trade union activists and bright young student things. People who express an unnatural interest in regional development strategies. If there’s a palpable air of anything here, it’s overwhelming earnestness.

Finally, there’s the secret agenda itself. Jim Murphy talks about how we need to re-invent Labour, not simply have a new Labour do-over. Liam Byrne leads a policy review feedback session, and the talk is of a green investment bank, being the party of full employment and social housing, and finding the best way to oppose the Tories on cuts. Not a single person mentions the vital need to take over the Labour Party from within, via covert and secret strategems.

They even have a hashtag #ppw11 so everything anyone says immediately goes on Twitter. Jim Murphy’s speech is put on their website as soon has he speaks. For a secretive covert group, they seem to want everyone to know what they’re doing.

Still. Things are looking up. Lord Adonis is speaking later. Perhaps the worthiness, loyalty to the leadership and passionate calls for a Labour party rooted in community activism that has dominated the Progress political weekend so far is just a ruse. Surely the Dark Lord will inculcate us into the deeper mysteries?

Stay tuned my friends, The Progress Turth is out there.

Hopi Sen is a member of Progress. Joining the secret society cost a fiver. Membership forms are available here.