The Black Police Officers’ Association have called on the black and Asian community not to apply to the Met. How did we get here?

By Dan McCurry

From day one, it was always inevitable that Ian Blair would eventually be forced out and he must have known this. His mission to transform the Met Police into a body that reflects the ethnic diversity of the community would cause understandable but severe resentment. With a staff of 50,000 and a target of one third black and ethnic minority officers, from the bottom to the top, this was a daunting task. The amazing thing was that he’d lasted so long and achieved so much.

Firstly you need to recognise that if there is a quota to transform one third of the workforce to ethnic, then this doesn’t mean that a white officer has only a two-thirds chance of getting a promotion; it means that he has virtually no chance until the numbers have been achieved.

So although almost every reasonable person on the planet, including you, agrees with the principle that the police force should reflect the diversity of the community, until the numbers have been achieved, your career has just been put on hold.

I bet you still agree with the principle, and I bet you didn’t join the police for the money; you joined because you wanted to make the world a better place. OK, maybe Frank and Jim joined because they were bullied in school and now they get a chance to chuck their weight around, but they’re not ambitious like you; they don’t much mind what colour the skipper is as long as he puts his hand in his pocket at the bar.

You, on the other hand, are ambitious, but you agree with the principle; it’s inevitable that the Met is changed to reflect the times and if it happened slowly over the years, would that be any better than if it happened quickly over a couple of years? You’ll still rise, cos you’ve got talent. Best to let Sir Ian Blair get on with the job and just be supportive.

By the way, you’ve got a new mate called Dixon. Eugene Dixon. He’s ten years younger than you and he’s on rapid promotion; we need to make our force reflect the community we serve. Unfortunately, you’re about to find out that the bloke’s completely clueless and the stuff he should’ve known before he was even considered for the job, you have to tell him three times. You are patient, because you understand how important it is but sometimes you can’t help but let your irritation show.

And that was where the problem came; you didn’t expect what he came out with, asking you if the hostility is due to your racism. You were really taken aback; surely you can’t be racist? You support what Mr Blair is doing. You’re not a racist; you were just irritated that the guy was promoted to Inspector before he’d even learnt how to be a Sergeant. But you’re not a racist.

The Super was sympathetic. He said that it’s necessary to promote people before they’re ready, or this whole process will drag out over years. Dixon has been chucked in at the deep end, and we really need to be sympathetic and supportive of him. The Super was right and Dixon did get a grasp of the job, but even before he was on top of it they’d promoted him onto somewhere else.
The Super did promise to speak to Dixon about accusing you of racism, a quiet word about how unacceptable that kind of allegation is, but also to make sure he knows full well that you’re not a racist. Heaven knows what he’d say to his mates about you; the racist Chief Inspector. Soon enough they’re gonna be occupying one third of all the senior positions. They’re gonna be deciding who gets promoted and the thing is; you know the Super didn’t speak to him. The Super’s a nice bloke but he’s always been spineless. He wouldn’t have had that kind of sensitive conversation. What about if Dixon thought the Super was a racist like you and started telling his mates? Soon enough, one third of the senior officers are gonna be the black or ethnic minority. The Super doesn’t wanna be in your boat. He didn’t have that conversation, did he?

It’s been a while now, and you’ve helped a few black and ethnic officers up through the ranks. You’ve always made sure not to be irritated after Dixon. Some of them have learnt to swim while others have sunk. Inevitably with this type of process it won’t work out for everyone, but it is a wind-up when they claim racial discrimination. The Met are so spineless that they just settle rather than confront it and have to deal with scandal. Every time an allegation comes out they actually pay that person a fortune. What kind of incentive is that?

You ran into Dixon the other day, but it wasn’t exactly warm. He’s convinced you’re a racist, you know. What a stupid mistake; to be irritated with a black officer? No way is someone who’s labelled a racist going to have a career in this organisation. This positive discrimination, it was supposed to take a couple of years, but then it stretches out over four or five and still there’s no end in sight and still you’re just a Chief Inspector.

The BBC has been broadcasting a biography of Ali Dizaei. Not only was the pay-off a fortune, he gets book deals and serialisation as well. Tarique Ghaffur’s the latest one. The problem is they’ve never had a disappointment in their career, so they rationalise everything with race. They’re promoted on the basis of race and if they complain about race whoever they point the finger at gets destroyed. On top of that, if they don’t like it they go straight to the press and start shouting race at everyone, then the Met pays them a fortune and the media pay them a fortune.

You used to be a supporter of Ian Blair, but everyone’s right, he’s not one of us; all this blue-sky-thinking. He’s forever hanging about with Labour politicians, walking the corridors of power instead of doing the job of policeman. Some of your mates are based in Conservative Party constituencies. They make it their business to tell the Tory Councillors about Blair; how he doesn’t fit in; that he’s too close to Labour. The message is getting through. The journalists, meanwhile, are tougher stuff, but everyone’s been doing the drip-drip-drip and surely it can’t go on forever. Blair’s under big pressure. It can’t be long now.

Brilliant news! Blair’s out; he’s resigned. Rumour has it that it was an accident, which rather amuses me. Apparently Boris didn’t actually mean to sack him, but just bumbled on about the wisdom of the press, which pissed Blair off so he turned the tables on Boris by asking whether he was being sacked. When Boris mumbled on about something to do with Wordsworth, Blair decided to accept it as affirmation and flattered Boris for the charming manner in which he’d been asked to resign.

But the icing on the cake is this: The Black Police Officers’ Association have accused the Met of institutionalised racism and called on black and Asian community not to apply to be police officers. Talk about throwing their toys out of the pram, from now on they won’t have an ounce of credibility.

Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant!