On marriage

I am very happily married. I’ve been with my partner for six plus years and married for three and a half. Our marriage is strong and happy.

Friends of my acquaintance live in many different states, from happily single to cohabiting. The couple I know of my age who have been together longest, are unmarried, not believing that their union needs formalisation or state sanction. Their lack of belief in the importance of marriage has had precisely no effect on my relationship with my partner and our decision to get married.

Marriage should be treated like an old teddy bear, not a collectible china doll.

My teddy (who is in fact an owl called Owl (I was quite a literal child)) would be of no value to anyone else. He’s missing an eye and a foot, for a start. A charity shop would reject him. As I’ve seen a version of him in ET, he was clearly also mass produced. All across America (he was a gift at birth from my American Godfather) similarly loved versions of owl live in the backs of cupboards. Owl the toy is not unique, but my relationship with my owl is.

I was never one for collectibles as a child. The value of a toy was in playing with it. I tested my Star Wars toys to destruction and I hand a (sand)blast doing it. I genuinely don’t understand the motivation of anyone who buys a toy just to keep it in its box to retain the “value”.

I don’t judge the value of my marriage by the state and status of other people’s relationships. It’s value isn’t increased by the limited access of others to what I have. It’s value isn’t increased by treating the act of marriage as precious, fragile and in. Need of protection. The value of my marriage is inherent in the love I share with my partner.