That wasn’t a leader’s speech Prime Minister – that was a rebuttal of Ed Miliband

Today, the Prime Minister stood before Conservative Party conference, but he didn’t give a leader’s speech. He didn’t twirl a linguistic baton or  even flash a little bit of policy ankle for this in the room or watching at home. Instead, he gave a fifty minute long rebuttal to Ed Miliband’s speech last Tuesday.

Whatever had been committed to paper on the PM’s behalf a couple of weeks ago, it had certainly been torn up and written anew in the wake of Labour’s conference in Brighton, so much so that there were times when Cameron looked like he hadn’t read the speech until he stood up to deliver it.

And he probably should have read it in advance, because he could have put a big black line through the sections that were palpably awful. The relentless, dreadful jokes were bad enough, but worse, this was shot through with the kind of painful rhetoric that made me long for the halcyon days of “aspiration nation” or even Clegg’s “alarm clock Britain”. Frankly, the poor Tory apparatchik who came up with “The Land of Hope is Tory” should be left in Manchester when the conference trains roll out of town to think about what they’ve done. Butchering Elgar is bad enough, but as a phrase it didn’t even make sense. As a political rallying cry it’s about as meaningless as they come.

The main thrust of the speech though, was that Labour is Bad. Wicked. Reckless. We are the reds under the bed, Cameron seemed to imply, who should never be seen or heard of in polite society again. It was all a bit over the top. To listen to the PM today, you’d think that a two year freeze on energy bills and a pledge to increase childcare provision was the storming of the Winter Palace. Those of us who know how torturous and often unambitious the party’s policy making can be know otherwise – they’re rigorously costed plans that have been slaved over for years. They might be a bit radical by the standards of the day – but “smash the system” radical they ain’t.

But onwards Cameron ambled (and it was an amble – a boring pointless, late morning amble) whacking aimlessly at Labour hither and thither. Twenty six times in total he mentioned the opposition, a thirteen-fold increase on his first speech as Tory leader. With nothing to say about what his government would do – except keep on plodding on – he was reduced to an old fashioned spot of opposition-bashing. Normally the party faithful like that sort of thing, but those present in the hall today were almost mute, clapping along quietly and politely, but – perhaps – wondering why they were bothering to watch the man is meant to run the country rebut a speech by a man who doesn’t (yet).

Overall then, this has comfortably been Ed Miliband’s conference season. By shifting the terms of the debate last week and by stealing the media limelight in recent days over his war with the Mail – Ed Miliband has achieved the remarkable feat of overshadowing the Prime Minister during Tory conference week.

Labour will return to the Commons next week with a spring in their collective step. The Tories, meanwhile, are likely to be scratching their heads wondering how on earth they get out of the living standards trap that Miliband has erected for them, and questioning what, if anything, the PM has in the tank to win the war ahead. He provided so little today, it’s hard not to believe the trains out of Manchester this afternoon might contain some MPs fearful for their seats.

What a difference a few (conference) weeks makes…