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Our secret economics boffin dismantles recession book by Grant Shapps’ alter-ego

September 3, 2012 6:32 pm

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This morning I wrote about the bizarre case of Grant Shapps and a book called “How to bounce back from recession” written by his Partridge-esque alter-ego Michael Green. We decided this needed the eye of a professional, so we spoke to our secret economics boffin, who have a look at the “self help” book this afternoon. This is what they told us:

——————-

1. “Most “mainstream economists” (those of whom most of us cannot personally relate to) believe that recessions are caused by reduced purchase of goods and services.”

I love the inverted commas on mainstream economists. Yes most economists say that, because that’s a statement of fact. A recession is a fall in GDP, one of the main measures of GDP is the total volume of purchases.

2. “The advantages of the recession are not just for investors and governments and the top 1% of the (wealthy) population. For the average person, and you know who you are, the recession has brought about positive as well as some not so pleasant changes for you. “

Really quite hard to see how the steepest fall in lving standards since the 1920s has helped ‘the average person’ but what do I know?

3. “For those who have had their incomes severely impacted or reduced, you have an opportunity to eat better, slow the pace, shop smarter, clean out the useless, seldom-used, or forgotten items for cash or recycle, or spend more time with family/friends in simple pursuits like talking, cycling walking/hiking, camping, fishing, playing cards and games, learning skills or hobbies from others (playing an instrument, weaving a shawl, carpentry, mentoring). In short, you have the opportunity to begin to LIVE HEALTHIER, FULLER & BETTER.”

I see! The answer to the living standards squeeze is to take up fishing and card games. As for ‘living healthier, fuller and better’, er… part 2 of this makes interesting reading.

4. Now for some advice: “Interest rates are low – the lowest in 60 years. Now could be a good time to buy a house or vehicle, or just borrow money.”

‘Just borrow money’ is rarely top advice.

——————-

Ouch…

Related posts:

  1. Labour MP writes to DCLG over Grant Shapps and his curious alter-ego
  2. Grant Shapps must hit the ground running
  3. The longest recession on record
  4. Company founded by Tory Minister releases “How To Bounce Back From Recession” self-help guide
  5. Labour Left release “Red Book”
  • jaime taurosangastre candelas

    If LL has a secret economics boffin, would you please sub-contract him / her / them to Ed M?  He needs some good advice, and he plainly is not getting it from the man at least partially responsible for the last fine mess that particular man got Gordon and the country into.

    • John_Dore

      Funny.

      • markfergusonuk

        I believe that the acronym SEB is usually reserved for the singer Sophie Ellis Bextor…

        • Brumanuensis

          Are you saying she’s not a good economist?

          • jaime taurosangastre candelas

            We need Derek (or whatever his new / old name is – it looks like Rebekah to me) to come up with some painfully but artfully and slightly beautifully crafted old lyric from a song that no one really remembers apart from Jools Holland and the Old Grey Whistle Test.

            Just to encourage him:  he takes this one at face value.  I think they were being ironic, but as I was about 6 at the time, and living 8,000 miles away I may be wrong.

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdOCWUgwiWs

          • Brumanuensis

            I think it’s ‘rekrab’, but my eyesight is poor. Mentally I keep imagining it as ‘red crab’.

            I’m not sure the Strawbs were being ironic, although it can be read that way.

          • jaime taurosangastre candelas

            It might be.  I have in the space of about 3 months gone from being well-sighted to needing the supermarket reading glasses.  This is ridiculous:  I am only 47.  I shall be having a word with El Padre when I get upstairs for playing this practical joke on me.  It is not acceptable for a young man to have to put on glasses simply to read the ridiculously small print on packaging, or worse to look at the latest spreadsheet sent from the hospital to check through their Excel formulae (they still have not spotted that their division of labour hours posted to internally billable hours is a divide by base ten, not base 12 which it should be, and which gives me 20% annual headroom.  This is now the third year.  But more fools them.)

          • Brumanuensis

            I have always had to wear glasses, but lately my depth perception has been getting worse, which is rather alarming. I am overdue an eye check-up, I suppose.

            If you’re senior enough, ask for large print on all documents. Explain that it’s for the sake of caution, so you don’t misread anything and accidentally miss a target.

          • jaime taurosangastre candelas

            Brum,

            windows provides a way of increasing print size – no need to ask for big print.  

            But that is not the point.  If targets are set by fools, there is little to be gained in blowing up the size of print.  More would be gained by getting rid of the fools (long standing public servants, so that cannot be right), and appointing people with some intellect.

            I had last week to make a court appearance as a witness.  This is all Ministry of Justice business.  Aside from my testimony, I had to make a deposition of a document, which it appears was not very simple.  The lady answered the bell at the document deposition window, but she had not been trained in booking in a document, and her supervisor was not in work that day.  So the document could not be officially deposited.  I was called for my evidence, and had my own copy of the document in my hand.  The Judge asked if it had been lodged with the Court, so I said no.  The Defence Barrister (in whose favour the document was) was unaware that it existed.  The Judge got frustrated and called an end to the proceedings for the day, and ordered me to deposit the document for the next day.  I complied at the cost of a morning away from work.  We all waited for the Court to resume, and when it did, the Defence Barrister said that he had received the document, but needed to seek opinion on what it meant, so the Judge sent everybody away again.    The following morning we all re-convened, and the Defence Barrister said that he did not need either the document, or my testimony.

            All because a foolish little filing clerk cannot book in a document, and there is no position such as Clerk of the Court to make some adult judgement about what is or is not relevant to a case.

            This public service, it is a crazy way to spend money.  It is either wasted directly, or indirectly.  I know that is true in the NHS, and appears equally true in the MoJ, and no doubt it is true in every other Department.

          • AlanGiles

             There used to be a facility on PCs called “Clear Type”, courtesy of Microsoft,  where you could adjust the depth of tone on your screen to make it easier to read, but I don’t know if this extended to Windows 7 (I still use an earlier OS).

            Other than that, there are always carrots!

          • rekrab

            I’d have thought you might have stuck with “Billy” well that’s what thoughts gets.

            Ain’t that moniker awful! 

            An oldie!!
            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bf8vBCCZj0E 

    • Brumanuensis

      We see it as giving them a helping hand in looking ridiculous and shifty, Jaime. We’re the Party that cares. We care about making sure our opponents look ridiculous. It gives us a warm and fuzzy feeling inside – that and the drink.

  • DavePostles

    Campaign against the recessionary policies by attending the march on 20 October – send the message.  I am trying to arrange transport from the East Midlands, if that is your location.

    http://falseeconomy.org.uk/travel/item/coach-from-loughborough-leicester

  • Brumanuensis
  • http://www.facebook.com/jim.crowder2 Jim Crowder

    Doesn’t Richard Murphy want to claim credit for this? I thought he was the economics advisor.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/KVGWRSNIFQHIKNMNKUKCL74ZGI prziloczek

    “‘Just borrow money’ is rarely top advice.”
    I do wish that you would tell that to Mr Balls and also to Mr Osborne.

  • Hugh

    ‘Just borrow money’ is rarely top advice.

    Don’t tell Balls. 

  • Alexwilliamz

    Wow, sounds almost Rousseian in his desire to return to some kind of simpler idyll. Perhaps he is a student of the Khmer Rouge’s attempt to reduce the population to some kinds of agrarian primitivism.

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