Dear voter: what can I do for you?

By Alex Smith

I received an email today from Conservative Home, which asked: ‘what does David Cameron need to do to woo the White Van Man?’

It wasn’t the shock of receiving an email from Tories that got to me most – I’m a pretty open minded kind of person, and I want to hear both sides of the argument. It wasn’t that the message made its way into my trashcan either, as if my email account had some self-imposed filter that subjugated my own ability to think for myself.

And it wasn’t even the image of Cameron the Lothario, stumbling awkwardly up to a Transit van on his bike, one hand steering the handlebars, the other clutching a dozen roses, self-consciously aware of his every movement like a tongue-twisted Hugh Grant trying to romance and seduce with his everyday charm and polished suaveness.

Although that image did tickle me a little.

What got to me most was that the question seemed indignant – there was inferred injustice that ‘gosh, we’ve tried all these different things, suggested all these ideas to help the working people of this country, including toying with labels that really mean something to The People, like ‘Progressive Conservatism’ and ‘Red Toryism’. And what have we been given in return? Continued ambivalence! I mean, what on earth do I have to do?’

I started to think that perhaps Cameron was separated at birth from the lead singer of Keane, who also complains that – in spite of perceived success in the charts (polls) – people just won’t believe there’s a shred of credibility about the whole thing.

And so I turned to the differences between the Conservatives and Labour, and their respective outlooks on our society, and I realised something.

The Conservatives see the Britain of the White Van Man as broken: that the aspirations and the ideals that he works for every day are judged only on the emptiness of the national coffers; that the society that he contributes to is depraved; and that the community he believes in needs to be more singular. That even in times of economic hardship, you’re on your own.

And the other – Labour – sees the White Van Man (and woman) as the bedrock of our society; the ends of our national wealth and worth rather than the means to it; and the embodiment of who government should be supporting, not ‘wooing’, through commitment to national institutions such as the Welfare State and the NHS.

Then, because I see localism as a way to give decision-making power back to the people whose lives are the ones at stake in that very process, rather than a useful soundbite to get elected, I turned to Sussex website The Argus and found a long, long sequence of questions I fear Cameron may not be able to grapple with.

Here’s just a selection of those questions:

“Ask him whether he will continue funding the NHS to the same amount as Labour has, or will they be returning to the levels of investment preferred by Thatcher and Major’s governments.”

“I know, ask him if he, the leader of the new ‘Green Party’, regrets gouging out Twyford Down and decimating one end of the South Downs rather than putting the M3 in a tunnel?”

“Where will he get the money from to make all these improvements. He’s “a man with a plan” what is that plan?”

“How about a serious question: why is so much of the Tory party made up out of Bullingdon Club public school boys. That’s off putting to a lot of the electorate.”

“How can someone with a family wealth estimated at over £30m (according to Sunday Times Rich List compiler Philip Beresford) hope to empathise with mere mortals like us?”

“Is it possible for him to not look so bloody smug all the time and if yes, when does he think he may implement that? I’d suggest he does it as soon as possible as, until that happens, he has a rat in hell’s chance of getting me to even listen to him, let alone vote for him!”

“How about asking him if he considered a career in insurance. Although given he does not seem to have any policies he would probably have found that career path difficult.”

“How much money he’s got?”

“Doesn’t really matter *what* we ask, does it: his response will be “That’s a really good question, but before I answer I must say this…””