The way women talk about themselves

It has been an honour and a privilege for me to get to know some amazing women through the Labour Party and through many other walks of life. From my wonderful mother who runs a small business to my friends who do jobs as diverse as theatre costume designers, solicitors, hairdressers, administrators and MPs.

Since putting myself out there through my own blog and this column, I have been extremely pleased to get approaches from many other women who are looking to get involved in politics but want advice and support in doing so. Some were looking to run for office in their constituency or branch. Some for the council. Others are – like me – considering running as an MP at some point. They may also be looking into blogging, frustrated at not having their voice heard.

Without exception, these wonderful, capable women have expressed their doubts about themselves to me. I did the same thing to my new boss yesterday, playing down my achievements in setting up Scarlet Standard (despite how deeply proud I am of her), my writing here and yesterday, my first real foray into television (if you ignore my brief game show career). I have made a concerted effort to change the way I think and talk about myself; to not blush when paid a compliment; to accept that I have something to say that people are interested in and skills to bring to the table.  I still fail at times – like with my boss. It still feels like a real effort.

I know very few women who know how to take a compliment – particularly in a less traditionally “feminine” arena such as intellect. I went on some fantastic training recently for aspiring candidates run by the Labour Women’s Network. I strongly urge all women who want to stand to go on this training. They are ruthless, they are brutal and they are extremely realistic. My only bit of feedback, is that in the midst of doing all that, and teaching us how to handle the criticism and attacks we would get, they could also have taught us how to react publically to people saying good things about us. That’s often when I’ve felt at my most flustered.

We women often – though of course there are some wonderful (and of course less wonderful) exceptions – aren’t very good at standing up in public and saying “pick me, I’m the best choice”. Though we must believe that, or we wouldn’t be standing. I read somewhere once that most men will apply for a job where they only meet 50% of the criteria in the Person Specification, whereas most women don’t apply unless they match about 90%. I’d say that’s reflected in the fact that women are vastly under-represented in areas that act as training grounds for political life including senior business roles and journalism. My own quick and unscientific trawl through the major left-wing think tanks showed we only make up about a third (at best) of senior roles there too. We need to see more women coming through at every level of the party and every aspect of the left. We need to make the effort to build the women leaders of tomorrow.

My advice when women approach me is that we should all look to our passion. Understand why we decide it’s time for us to take a stand. What in our backgrounds led us to this moment? What we hope to achieve, and what is it about us that guarantees that we will achieve it.

None of those questions is gender specific. But our experience might differ vastly from the men who make the decision to run too. Which is great,  as long as everyone else – men and women – recognise the need for a balance of those experiences in candidates, in the Party and in the policy and support networks that keep the whole thing moving.

Diversity is not just about ensuring that different kinds of people get on, but about ensuring that they don’t have to do so by changing.