Silly? Inexperienced? Well that’s everything sorted then…

In response to the cash-for-access (hyphens imperative) scandal that emerged last night, No. 10 have issued a statement saying that the Tories’ now former co-Treasurer Peter Cruddas was “inexperienced” and guilty of “saying silly things”. I’m now living in fear that Cruddas should start political blogging, as he’s taken my unique selling point and already gone big time with it.

At least though, that’s everything sorted: it’s impossible to build up any real moral outrage at silly inexperience. Now we know that once Cruddas had been in the job a little longer he’d have known not to look like you’re selling access to and influence over the Prime Minister for hundreds of thousands of pounds. It isn’t the sort of thing that is immediately obvious to a layman, but once you’ve been around a while you pick it up.

Unless, as a silly, inexperienced layman myself, I’ve got this all wrong. Perhaps the inexperience exposed by Cruddas’ actions was in not googling the company you were meeting before offering them access to the PM. Once you’ve got the hang of it, you know not to make boasts like that to potentially fictitious businessmen, but it’s the kind of thing you can only really learn by yourself. In some political parties, it used to be common practice to send in a fictitious businessman on a treasurer’s first day, so that they might learn these traps quicker. “Sir, there’s a Mr Imran Ginary to see you about funding. He’s made his fortune through striped paint and left-hand screwdrivers.” As part of Cameron’s drive to reinvent the Conservative Party and shed them of their ‘Nasty Party’ image, this type of unwelcoming ‘banter’ has been removed, leaving the Tories vulnerable to this kind honeytrap sting.

However, that phase of Cameron’s leadership is well behind him. In describing Cruddas as having said silly things due to inexperience, he has left open the door to completely ignore all of the silly things he said back when he was inexperienced. All the stuff about the NHS or the third runway at Heathrow that was said before the election has now been compromised by the fact that he doesn’t believe that anymore. Just silly things said by an inexperienced man. A PR man by trade, Cameron will know that this sounds a little better than “I just said that so we could win”, which, incidentally, is probably the exact reasoning behind Cruddas’ words too.

Now Cameron’s nailed the response, expect him to do anything he’s said he won’t. And above all, whatever else happens as a result of this scandal, when the new Tory treasurer sits down at his desk for the first time, he can expect a knock on his office door: “Sir, there’s a Mr Holden MaGroin here to see you about funding. CEO of the UK’s biggest dehydrated water company…”