‎How Ed can win that tricky debate

Thursday April 16 is the date for the most curious event in the rather bizarre (non-)debate process. ‎On that evening Ed Miliband will line up alongside the leaders of Ukip, the SNP, Plaid Cymru and the Greens. Neither David Cameron nor Nick Clegg will be there. The prime minister can’t be bothered, and he has decreed that the deputy prime minister should not be allowed to bother either.

‎Gloating Tories have already labelled this event the “night of the nonentities”. They feel pleased with their efforts to prevent the prime minister from having to take part in more than one debate. By keeping Clegg out they think they have undermined the status of this programme.

Good for them. This leaves the stage clear for the other parties to take a series of free hits against the government, which the moderator may be able to challenge, but will not be able to attack in a partisan way.

“It’s very good to be here tonight. I gather that the Conservatives have labelled us ‘nonetities’. That’s a pretty arrogant thing to say about my electoral opponents. And it is insulting to all those voters who are considering voting for them. Labour is in this election to win it, not for our own sake, but because we want to do a better job for the British people. There are no nonetities on these islands. We are paid to work for you, and that is what we are going to do.

“I am sorry the prime minister can’t be bothered to show up. Perhaps he thinks he is above it all. Maybe he secretly thinks that everyone ‎apart from him and his mates are nonentities. His loss. I am looking forward to debating important issues. The other party leaders are my opponents, but I respect them and want to engage with their arguments. This is a job application, and I don’t get to pick the rules or say who can or cannot attend.

“I’m sorry Nick Clegg isn’t here. Perhaps I should say: ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.’ You’d have thought he might have been let out just for the evening. There’s nothing much else on to watch is there? On the other hand, maybe people don’t really want to hear any more pre-election promises from him. He has form. We won’t get fooled again.

“To Natalie I say -‎ I understand your concerns about the planet. I share most of them. I was climate change secretary, I led for Britain at Copenhagen. But to people thinking of voting Green – why make life easier for the Tories? Don’t waste your vote. Hold us to account. Give us your support and, instead of the current fake ‘greenest government ever’ you would see a party in office that is serious about the environment.

“To Nigel I say – we reject your politics of anger. You worship Mrs Thatcher. But her time has gone. We will manage immigration effectively. But we will also build ‎a cohesive society that draws on the abilities of all our people, in all our communities. This is still a United Kingdom, not little England.

“Which brings me to the nationalist ‎parties and their possible supporters. Labour delivered devolution in government. We will work to improve and deepen those constitutional settlements in office. Don’t blow that chance by letting the Tories back in. Every vote for the nationalists makes a Conservative government more likely, meaning a worse deal for Scotland and Wales. This is a UK election for a UK parliament. Be careful what you wish for. You need a Labour government to protect,  guarantee and improve devolution. No-one else can do this for you.

“Debate is good. I am not frightened of it. I welcome it. David Cameron is too scared to defend his record here tonight, too scared to make his case. Not very prime ministerial. Not very impressive‎.

Remember‎ that when you go to vote on May 7.”