Philip Davies MP – the world shudders with indifference

By Conor Pope / @conorpope

Andy Cole retired from international football in 2002. He had played only fifteen games for England during a six year period, in which he scored a solitary goal. He said this was so he could concentrate more on representing Blackburn Rovers; a truly noble aim. The world shuddered with indifference.

During his maiden speech, the Conservative MP Philip Davies superfluously announced that he would not join the Conservative front bench. He said this was so he could concentrate more on representing his constituents; a truly noble aim. In fact, this may be the second most noble thing a human being can aspire to do, after representing Blackburn Rovers. This announcement was an event so insignificant that even Andy Cole failed to shudder with indifference.

Sometimes, when people say something so obtrusively bigoted that I suspect they have been misquoted or misinterpreted, I will Google their name to get a better judge of their character. When Philip Davies suggested in the commons on Friday that people with learning difficulties or disabilities should work for less than the Minimum Wage I decided to do this, for good measure.

When I wrote about the whiney pop singer Adele a few weeks ago, someone from the Taxpayer Alliance said it was an article “full of vitriol” and had been “fuelled by hate”. Now, Philip Davies is definitely a much worse person than Adele, so I can only imagine what the response will be this time.

If what he says is true, and that he concentrates on speaking on behalf of his constituents in the Chamber, one can only assume that the people of Shipley in West Yorkshire spend an inordinate amount of time blacking up. They probably get into all sorts of no doubt hilarious situations where some taxpayer-funded lesbian Diversity Officer from Nigeria comes and tells them they should stop daubing swastikas on cars.

For it appears that Davies is a fully paid up member of the Anti-Political Correctness Brigade, or Campaign Against Political Correctness as it is more commonly known. He has previously said that foreign aid is “stark raving mad” but has “never understood” the offence caused by taking boot polish to one’s own face. He is a man who ponders aloud whether it racist for a police officer (Sorry Philip, I’m sure it pains you every time someone uses that non-gender specific politically correct phrase) to refer to a BMW as “Black Man’s Wheels”. He wonders that ALOUD. As if the answer might feasibly be “No”.

It’s not the first time he’s waded in on the minimum wage debate either; he made almost identical comments two years ago that went largely unnoticed outside of the business section of the Yorkshire Post because a) he is Philip Davies and his views hold no value, and b) most of us didn’t have Twitter then, did we?

He claims that his pronouncement comes as a warning so that he might help disabled people, but admits that the NMW has an “all party consensus”. This, he says, is usually “a reflection that a policy is well meaning and popular”. But still wrong, obviously.

It must be a sad life being Philip Davies. It must be like living in a world where everyone is doing their utmost to reject all notions of common sense. Like a world where the Thought Police are real, telling you what you can’t say, what you can’t do, what spurious generalisations you can’t make, what you can’t colour your face in with. Like a world where for some reason people have feelings that can be hurt by the words and actions of others.

Like a world where he is the only sane man in the asylum, and all the inmates are earning minimum wage.

In Downing Street, David Cameron is sat by the phone, recalling Philip’s maiden speech ruefully.