The week in bits: The ‘I only just realised’ Aidan Burley Defence™

Aidan Burley’s train of thought

“Not an easy day to forget. I remember every detail. The Member of Parliament for Cannock Chase wore grey, you wore blue.”

The speed with which Aidan Burley comes up with plausible excuses seems to be slightly slower than that of traffic on a New Jersey bridge.

The Tory MP is still under fire for attending a Nazi-themed stag do in France, and after a wait of almost two years, the Tories have finally released the results of their investigation into the incident.

In his apology to the Jewish Chronicle, written only a week after the party, Burley wrote that “I wish I had left when I realised what was happening”. It seems strange that the moment Aidan Burley realised what was happening was not the same moment as him buying the Nazi uniforms, which, according to the report, is exactly what he did.

So, at what point during the process of deciding to buy the uniforms, buying the costumes, taking them to France, seeing his friends put them on, watching them Sieg Heil, and hearing the chants of “MEIN FUHRER, MEIN FUHRER” did Aidan Burley realise what was happening? Perhaps it genuinely was as he watched his swastika-clad chums drunkenly goosestep around a sleepy French village, palms aloft, singing the first verse of ‘Deutschland Uber Alles’ that the penny finally dropped. “Hang on,” the MP will have thought then, “are we dressed as the Nazis?”

And that’s when, in his opinion, he should have left, but didn’t. (Ed. – although now he turns out he hadn’t left at all.)

The Conservative Party report concludes that Aidan Burley is not “a racist”, but accepts that he is “stupid”. This much, at least, is consistent with the story.

Clegg’s suspended animation finally over

Mr. Burley is not the only politician slow to act over events. This week, Nick Clegg finally took the step of suspending two Lib Dems, amidst long-standing claims of sexual harassment. He too, is facing questions about what he knew, when, and why he didn’t act sooner: his ‘I only just realised’ Aidan Burley Defence™ has already been dismissed by the press. If the Lib Dems want to make a report on his handling of the situation, they could probably just borrow the Tories’ one and swap the names.

While the whip has been withdrawn from Mike Hancock as a direct result of the allegations against him, Lord Rennard’s punishment is due to his bullish refusal to apologise, thus bringing the party into disrepute.

Why super popular Nick Clegg would be hesitant to setting a precedent for suspending those bringing the party into disrepute is anyone’s guess. But then, here is a man who believes an apology makes everything better.

Syria peace talks could be going better, say experts

It appears the representatives from either side of a civil war that has claimed over 100,000 lives in the past three years really don’t get on. As the Syria peace conference got underway in Geneva this week, accusations of fault flew around, and after the US stressed that no resolution could be reached that left Assad in power, the Syrian Foreign Minister was adamant that only the Syrian people have the authority to get rid of their president.

A quick perusal of Syria’s lively democracy shows that Bashar-Al Asshat was re-elected unopposed to a seven-year term in 2007 (with an impressive 97.6% of the popular vote), so we can all expect another free and fair election before this year is over. Hopefully that will sort everything out. Although it would take one hell of a GOTV operation for the swing needed to remove the Ba’athist Party from office.

UKIP u-turns

Nigel Farage has had to dismiss the UKIP 2010 manifesto, on the grounds that absolutely loads of it was so barmy even he thinks it was a bit much. The policies included proper dress for the theatre, proper dress for taxi drivers, and proper dress for, er, trains.

Farage’s reason for saying that “none of it stands today”? Why, it’s the ‘I only just realised’ Aidan Burley Defence™! The perfect gift for any politician having to answer uncomfortable questions, and clearly available in the January sales.

And who was a lead speaker at UKIP’s 2010 manifesto? Properly dressed Nigel Farage.