‘Why I ‘stand with her’: a survivor’s call to unite against violence and misogyny’

This White Ribbon Day I shared something I had never spoken about publicly before.

As a Labour politician and Cabinet Member for Community Safety in Southwark I have made it my goal to tackle the rising tide of violence against women and girls.

It is my own lived experience and, shockingly, the experience of almost every woman in our society, that has driven me to this cause.

On White Ribbon Day, I shared that between the ages of six and eleven I survived sexual abuse, perpetrated by both men and women.

The trauma of this experience shaped my childhood. It affected my education, my family relationships and my mental health.

READ MORE: ‘Sixteen days, ten years, one promise: Labour must stick to its mission to halve violence against women and girls’

I missed nearly two years of secondary school. I went into care. I was drawn into violent crime. I carried fear, confusion and silence long before I had the language to describe any of what I was feeling.

And yet, my story didn’t end there.

I was supported by teachers, youth workers, social workers, and community leaders who saw me, believed me, and helped me rebuild. 

Their care and persistence changed the direction of my life. Without them, I would not be here today — as a mother, a woman, and a senior local politician trusted to serve my community.

That lived experience is why I am relentless in this work. I know the impact professional support, a friendly face and a helping hand can have on shaping a life and redirecting a person toward something positive.

It is why prevention matters. It is why expert, trauma-informed, culturally competent services matter. It is why we need to invest in these services.

Labour’s goal of halving violence against women and girls within a decade is, as discussed in these pages by Lizzy Dobres, a once in a lifetime opportunity to consign all forms of gender based violence to the history books.

But these services are on their knees. Fourteen years of funding cuts and a lack of national vision, as described by Lizzy, have let the rising tide of online misogyny and abuse continue and seep more and more into everyday life. 

This a moral fight but also a financial one. Recent research from the Women’s Budget Group put the lifetime cost of violence against women and girls in the UK at £400bn once health and social care, criminal justice and more are taken into account.

Reaching Labour’s goal requires national effort. It requires funded local services and support for the sorts of youth workers and social workers who made the difference to me. And – significantly – it requires men to be onside in this fight. 

That is why Labour-run councils like Southwark and Wandsworth are investing in early intervention, are opening safe spaces and why we stand firmly with specialist ‘by-and-for’ providers. And it is why in Southwark our new campaign ‘Stand with Her’ is so important.

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Stand with Her is a call to action, especially for men and boys, to speak up, challenge harmful behaviour and create communities where abuse cannot hide. It builds on our ‘Through Her Eyes’ campaign, which we pledged in our last Southwark Labour manifesto. Our Through Her Eyes video reached 2 million views across TikTok and YouTube, harnessing social media to raise awareness amongst many people who had never previously engaged with this topic.

Research from White Ribbon and the Centre for Protecting Women Online found that engaging men and boys and challenging gender stereotypes were some of the most successful tools for preventing violence against women and girls.

Stand with Her is also a message to every survivor, to every woman who has faced misogyny and abuse: you deserved safety then, and you deserve safety now.

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At an event on White Ribbon Day I asked our audience to stand, place a hand on their heart, and say together: “I stand with her.” I am now asking you to also take a moment of solidarity for those who are healing, those who have not yet disclosed, and those we have tragically lost.

Labour’s goal is essential. It needs to be nationally driven and locally delivered. The support I received should be there for every survivor across every community in our country. 

My younger self needed a safer world. I believe Labour can build one. Is building one. Together, we stand with her.

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