A massive yacht for the Queen

“A yacht. A yacht? Really, a yacht? You want to leak it that we’re going to buy the Queen a yacht?”

 

“Yes. Just to test the water, as it were.”

 

“Don’t joke, Michael. And stop winking. Are you serious about any of this?”

“Absolutely! I’m sure it will work.”

 

“It just sounds like it might feasibly backfire terribly.”

 

“I really don’t think it will. Either way, we won’t actually buy a yacht. No harm done.”

 

“Are you sure? I really, really have a bad feeling about this. I think it could go horribly wrong. Labour are getting terrible press, will this not push all the attention onto us?”

 

“What’s the point of all their bad press if we don’t know how far we can push it? Saying something mad like this is a great idea.They’re at each other’s throats every day. Len McCluskey’s spitting feathers. Given a choice between Red Len mauling Red Ed and and Red Ed trying to maul you, what do you think the news stations will cover? They’re a shambles, they don’t have a clue. Their completely ineffectual! I honestly reckon we can get away with saying we’re going to get the Queen a massive y…”

 

“You didn’t say it was going to be a massive yacht!”

 

“It has to be a massive yacht!”

 

“How massive?”

 

“Really massive. £60 million pounds worth of massive yacht.”

 

“£60 million?! You’re insane Michael. You’ve got tourettes. You’re a tw*t. This will never work. We can’t get away with saying we’ll spend £60 million on a massive yacht for the Queen.”
“We can get away with saying we’ll buy the Queen a massive yacht. By the end of the week, I bet our poll lead will be even bigger.”

 

“If this comes back to bite us, you’re going straight to Culture, Media and Sport.”

 

“Trust me, Dave. If we get away with saying we’re going to buy the Queen a massive yacht, we can get away with anything. Privatising the NHS is going to be a doddle.”

 

“You’ve gone mad with power.”

 

“People like us don’t go mad with power. We were born for this.”

 

“I don’t know, Michael…”
“Massive yacht, Dave. Massive yacht. For the Queen.”

 

“…You know what? Do it! Say that we’re going to get the Queen a massive yacht!”
“This is going to be hilarious, Dave. If we can do this, we can literally get away with anything.”

 

“Hell yeah! If this works, I think I might actually get the Queen a massive yacht.”

 

“Genius.”